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Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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__________________ PGR St. Cloud MN Sector 2007 Heritage Soft Tail Classic Pearl White and Gold "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." .
The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women
1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)
__________________ PGR St. Cloud MN Sector 2007 Heritage Soft Tail Classic Pearl White and Gold "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." .
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
Done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
Never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
To the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
Pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
Front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
Still think they are sexy.
Women will never be equal to men.. Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and Still think they are sexy.
I'm calling bullsh*t on all the above but this one, oh and the successful woman who marries a rich man, but you've got me here. I give. You win but you're also delusional.
__________________
That helmet sticker says, "Bite Me".
"Send lawyers, guns and money! The shit has hit the fan." - Warren Zevon, RIP
Husband: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."
Boy: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden."
Girl: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Boy: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
__________________ PGR St. Cloud MN Sector 2007 Heritage Soft Tail Classic Pearl White and Gold "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." .
The character of our Nation as a people is defined by those who daily put on a uniform and at their own peril defend it. We thank them from the bottom of our hearts. For without them we would surely live in tyranny.
Attractive Male Faces
UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face
a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her
menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged
and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and has a bat
jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
__________________ PGR St. Cloud MN Sector 2007 Heritage Soft Tail Classic Pearl White and Gold "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." .
Yeah funny guy. Keep laughing and show that one to the little woman and you too can join the "I'm Sure as Hell Not Getting Laid Anytime Soon" club.
I would but the wife already knows I'm an asshole. Also she has more of a sex drive then I do so her not putting out is going to be more punishment to herself.
__________________ PGR St. Cloud MN Sector 2007 Heritage Soft Tail Classic Pearl White and Gold "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." .
Man vs woman
06 FXDLI 
