Red Rock HD Bordello Run (pics, sad lonely pics)
#1
02-27-2011, 03:32 AM
Red Rock HD Bordello Run (pics, sad lonely pics)
So I did the Bordello Run today with a friend. I had been looking forward to this ride for months. I knew it couldn't live up to my expectations, but I am sad to report that even if I wasn't only doing it for the Naked Dancing Girls!, I would have been disappointed. Not that it was the event organizer's failure, life just conspired against them today.
Let's set the scene for the start this morning:
It was in the high 30's in Las Vegas.
It was raining.
There were winds blowing up to 40 miles per hour.
But being brave souls and easily seduced by the possibility of seeing Naked Dancing Girls! we girded ourselves and made our way to Red Rock Harley Davidson at 9am.
The next clue that it wasn't a good idea to do this ride. There were about 50 people at RRHD when we arrived. Compare that to "Frosty *****" last month at LVHD where the entire parking lot was filled a half hour before registration opened. Since it was still raining we hung out in the store for about 45 minutes. The crowd never grew. Some people would depart and be replaced by new arrivals, but it was always just a trickle coming and going.
A little before 10 we decided to chance it and headed to the door. On the way out I overheard one of the registrars telling people not to take Blue Diamond (NV 160) out of the city because of snow not being cleared in the higher elevations. Instead take US95 north out of the city, up past Indian Springs and catch NV160 coming back south. Wonderful, this changed the route from 55 miles to the first stop to 100 miles, straight into the headwind and colder temps. Groovy. But still the lure of possible Naked Dancing Girls! overpowered our better judgement and we happily complied.
Red Rock HD to Indian Springs (about 40 miles) went pretty quick. We needed to hit an ATM, then get some gas, so we were not fighting the wind and cold for very long stretches on our way out of town. Once we got north of the city and the traffic cleared we fell in behind a couple of riders who were apparantly practicing for their speed trials at Bonneville later this year. We managed to keep up with them floating between 90 and 100 all the way to Indian Springs (since at this time we didn't have a very good idea on what to look for for NV160) where we all pulled off for a little warm up.
After waiting 20 minutes or so for the speed demons who decided to make the rest stop a breakfast break, me and my buddy decided to venture on by ourselves and trust we could find the turnoff. Heading north of Indian Springs we didn't know the turnoff would be another 30 miles. The wind really picked up on this leg. Neither of us had windshields on so we were both crouching over our gas tanks when the wind was in our face and leaning at close to double digit angles when it whipped around to our sides. If I was looking for a nice workout for my shoulders and neck muscles this would have been it, but I wasn't. By the end of this leg, my toes were numb from the cold and my fingers were tingling from the death grip I was keeping on the handlebars.
Luckily for us the turnoff to NV160 was well marked with plenty of warning, so at least navigation errors wouldn't add to the misery... yet. We turned off and found the new road to be clone of the US95, open, flat, exposed. Except only two lanes. It was still biting cold and a blasting wind made life miserable for the entire stretch. We only saw one other motorcycle the entire 30 miles, and he was keeping ahead of us by about a mile. This was quickly turning into the most desolate poker run I had ever been on.
We finally rolled into the north end of Pahrump and found the other bike had pulled into a gas station. We decided to top off as well and ask his assistance in getting our bearings. Funny thing though, he was from Colorado and was waiting on us so he could get our assistance to get his bearings. Sweet! blind leading the blind time.
Somehow in all the discussions it was decided that I was the geographic expert and would take the lead. I guess the "huh?" look on my face was not convincing enough. I went into the store and asked the attendant how to get to our first turn, Manse street. Had I read my directions a little better I would have seen that the only reason Manse street was on the turn sheet was because the original directions were written for coming from the south, coming from the north, the final road we wanted for the first 3 stops, Homestead, was actually one stoplight away. Oh well. I didn't vote myself guide.
I gamely lead the suckers trusting me down through the entire length of the town, the turned onto Manse street and back tracked a few miles to Homestead, then since the turn sheet specifically said "Turn Left on Homestead", I turned right. And off we go in the wrong direction for about 2 miles while I tried to decide if maybe I should have read the turn sheet better. At a stop sign next to 'the last house on the left' I noticed a group 6 motorcycles heading towards us going the opposite way (they had a clue and had turned off on Homestead heading south up by the gas station we had been at previously). Taking this opportunity I made a command decision and bailed on responsibility with a hearty "Let's follow them". Sheepishly we waved at our bretheren as they rode south, then quickly U-turned and latched onto their rear the rest of the way to the first stop.
The first two stops were side by side. Makes for an easy run, huh? The Chicken Ranch and Sherri's Ranch. I was so flummoxed by my turn at 'Road Private' and the thought of seeing Naked Dancing Girls! that I quickly rolled into the wrong stop. But the marshals at Sherri's were forgiving and still let me pick a card (Queen of Hearts) before advising me I was a dufus and was going out of order. I just smiled and nodded and quickly excused myself to duck into Sherri's for some quality boobies. Except.... NO BOOBIES!!!! WTF??!! No Naked Dancing Girls! No Naked Girls, not even Dancing Girls! They did have Bundled Up Like Eskimos Girls! standing around the "sports bar" portion of Sherri's. Well to be honest, I think there was one girl wearing a bikini serving drinks, but since she was surrounded by every guy at that stop (all 8) I couldn't get a good look. Sigh. I went back outside and over to the vendor booth. Just so it wouldn't be a total waste I bought my brother a hat that had "Sherri's Ranch Bordello" embroidered on it. Can't wait to see his wife's face when he opens it at Christmas. That's what brothers are for.
There was still The Chicken Ranch next door though. So my hopes for seeing Naked Dancing Girls! were not completely dashed yet. We jumped on our bikes, fired them up, revved our throttles, then rolled 20 feet down the road to the next stop. Rightous! Really with the weather the way it was, we were pretty happy to have a 20 foot open road leg.
So here we were at the World Famous Chicken Ranch, well okay the World Famous one was in Texas, but if they don't mind trading on the name, I don't either. I looked around and noticed that the World Famous Chicken Ranch, looks oddly like a reworked small town motel from the 50's with the windows plywooded over. But I didn't give it too much thought. I was sure there were Naked Dancing Girls! to be had.
We charged up to the front door. Which was closed. The marshals were sitting all bundled up next to it with their cards and stamps. Fine, we have to get our cards first (who goes on a poker run in Vegas to play, it's all about boobies here). I pulled a jack of clubs, hmmmm, I got a joker at Red Rock (I think everyone did) to start, then that queen. So I'm now working on a straight. I smiled and thanked the marshal and went for the door. She coughed and pointed behind me. "You can go into the bar behind you, but not this door". Ah! the Naked Dancing Girls! were behind me. I spun and just about dived in to bar... which was filled with guys watching sports on TV and a woman dressed like an eskimo behind the bar serving. WTF!? WTF!? I want Naked Dancing Girls!.
Disheartened at the lack of exposed boobies I slunk back to my buddy and we trudged over to our bikes and with a sigh of dispair fired up our bikes and headed north up Homestead. Our next stop was called Kingdom Gentlemen's Club. With the way our luck has been running, at this point I was willing to bet it was going to be a club for retired British peerage.
We rode up to the intersection of Homestead and NV 160 (d'oh!) and found Kingdom Gentlemen's Club. Stepping in, the club was really dark. We stumbled our way back to a lit table where they were giving out the cards. At this point I wasn't even looking for Naked Dancing Girls! and just went and pulled my card. King of clubs... whatever... sure... fine... Wait! Great Googly Moogly! K,Q,J with a Joker. Holy schnikies! I actually had a chance. Another rider was standing there and saw my score sheet and gave me a hearty back slap and wished me luck. I might have a shot at this thing. I was looking at my sheet so intently as I started to leave, I didn't realize my eyes had adjusted, but fortunately I looked up and saw the stage and .. and ... on that stage... NAKED DANCING GIRL!!!! VICTORY!!!! I looked around, and saw, NAKED WAITRESSES! Boobies on the hoof! But, well, wait a second. The girl on stage wasn't naked. She was wearing a t-shirt. She was bottomless, but wearing a top? What's up with that? I mean, okay, sure, I like muffin and all, but com'on, really if there aren't boobies to go with it. It's kind of wrong. Of course this great quandry is in hindsight, at that moment it was more like. "Well the waitress is showing her boobies, so if I whip my head back and forth fast enough I get 'boobies' + 'muffin'. Sweet." It was all good. Right up until my buddy advised me that "Dude, I have to work tonight, we have to get going so I can get home in time to get ready". NOOOOOOOOooooooooo! He lead me sobbing from the club and we headed for the final stop.
The last stop was all the way back up NV160 about 2 miles south of where it intersects with US95, which of course we had ridden right by a few hours earlier. It's a place called "Short Branch Saloon" or something like that. As the final stop they had the food, the band and unfortunately once again, no Naked Dancing Girls!. Oh well, at this point after doing close to another 30 miles fighting wind and freezing again it would be good to get something to eat.
We rolled in and I remembered my almost straight I had going. Maybe winning would be some solace for the lack of boobies. I strode up to the table, focused on the cards, mixed them mightily in the box then using all my will I pulled.... four of clubs (damnit). Crushed, no boobies on display, 70 miles of wind and cold waiting for us. We ate. The food was pretty decent. Steaks, potatos, baked beans, not bad at all. Just having it in the middle of friggin nowhere put a damper on it. The band was good as well. Of course they stuck mostly with crown pleasers... Skynyrd, but at least they didn't butcher them. This was the most packed any stop was since we left RRHD. There were maybe 40 bikes in the lot. Really kind of a sad turn out for the effort of the cooks and the band. But, weather is weather and you take what you get.
Which at this point meant the death march back to Vegas. Once again we were buffetted and frozen for 70 miles as we struggled our way back to town. My buddy pealed off with a shivvering wave to prepare for his shift and I rolled down the last miles of US95 to catch I15 to Henderson. I was thinking that I would have to be sated with the limited boobie experience of the day when it suddenly hit me. Where 95 and 15 join is just a mile or so from Chica Bonitas and... NAKED DANCING GIRLS!!! I swerved through traffic like a crazy man (or like a regular Vegas driver) and bailed onto Las Vegas Blvd and with a grin on my face and knotted muscles in my shoulders rolled into the parking lot of my favorite club.
And this is where the story gets perfect. I take a seat at the bar, order a coke and then one of the girls comes over and asks me about the poker run. I tell her about the cold and the wind and she immediately pulls my jacket off and proceeds to work out every knot in my shoulders. Now that's service! NAKED DANCING GIRLS and a back rub. Pffft, I'll do a freezing, wind swept, 200 mile poker run any day if it ends like this.
Oh, yes there was a t-shirt purchase somewhere along the way as well. Pose-r-ific!
And of course the pics:
Let's set the scene for the start this morning:
It was in the high 30's in Las Vegas.
It was raining.
There were winds blowing up to 40 miles per hour.
But being brave souls and easily seduced by the possibility of seeing Naked Dancing Girls! we girded ourselves and made our way to Red Rock Harley Davidson at 9am.
The next clue that it wasn't a good idea to do this ride. There were about 50 people at RRHD when we arrived. Compare that to "Frosty *****" last month at LVHD where the entire parking lot was filled a half hour before registration opened. Since it was still raining we hung out in the store for about 45 minutes. The crowd never grew. Some people would depart and be replaced by new arrivals, but it was always just a trickle coming and going.
A little before 10 we decided to chance it and headed to the door. On the way out I overheard one of the registrars telling people not to take Blue Diamond (NV 160) out of the city because of snow not being cleared in the higher elevations. Instead take US95 north out of the city, up past Indian Springs and catch NV160 coming back south. Wonderful, this changed the route from 55 miles to the first stop to 100 miles, straight into the headwind and colder temps. Groovy. But still the lure of possible Naked Dancing Girls! overpowered our better judgement and we happily complied.
Red Rock HD to Indian Springs (about 40 miles) went pretty quick. We needed to hit an ATM, then get some gas, so we were not fighting the wind and cold for very long stretches on our way out of town. Once we got north of the city and the traffic cleared we fell in behind a couple of riders who were apparantly practicing for their speed trials at Bonneville later this year. We managed to keep up with them floating between 90 and 100 all the way to Indian Springs (since at this time we didn't have a very good idea on what to look for for NV160) where we all pulled off for a little warm up.
After waiting 20 minutes or so for the speed demons who decided to make the rest stop a breakfast break, me and my buddy decided to venture on by ourselves and trust we could find the turnoff. Heading north of Indian Springs we didn't know the turnoff would be another 30 miles. The wind really picked up on this leg. Neither of us had windshields on so we were both crouching over our gas tanks when the wind was in our face and leaning at close to double digit angles when it whipped around to our sides. If I was looking for a nice workout for my shoulders and neck muscles this would have been it, but I wasn't. By the end of this leg, my toes were numb from the cold and my fingers were tingling from the death grip I was keeping on the handlebars.
Luckily for us the turnoff to NV160 was well marked with plenty of warning, so at least navigation errors wouldn't add to the misery... yet. We turned off and found the new road to be clone of the US95, open, flat, exposed. Except only two lanes. It was still biting cold and a blasting wind made life miserable for the entire stretch. We only saw one other motorcycle the entire 30 miles, and he was keeping ahead of us by about a mile. This was quickly turning into the most desolate poker run I had ever been on.
We finally rolled into the north end of Pahrump and found the other bike had pulled into a gas station. We decided to top off as well and ask his assistance in getting our bearings. Funny thing though, he was from Colorado and was waiting on us so he could get our assistance to get his bearings. Sweet! blind leading the blind time.
Somehow in all the discussions it was decided that I was the geographic expert and would take the lead. I guess the "huh?" look on my face was not convincing enough. I went into the store and asked the attendant how to get to our first turn, Manse street. Had I read my directions a little better I would have seen that the only reason Manse street was on the turn sheet was because the original directions were written for coming from the south, coming from the north, the final road we wanted for the first 3 stops, Homestead, was actually one stoplight away. Oh well. I didn't vote myself guide.
I gamely lead the suckers trusting me down through the entire length of the town, the turned onto Manse street and back tracked a few miles to Homestead, then since the turn sheet specifically said "Turn Left on Homestead", I turned right. And off we go in the wrong direction for about 2 miles while I tried to decide if maybe I should have read the turn sheet better. At a stop sign next to 'the last house on the left' I noticed a group 6 motorcycles heading towards us going the opposite way (they had a clue and had turned off on Homestead heading south up by the gas station we had been at previously). Taking this opportunity I made a command decision and bailed on responsibility with a hearty "Let's follow them". Sheepishly we waved at our bretheren as they rode south, then quickly U-turned and latched onto their rear the rest of the way to the first stop.
The first two stops were side by side. Makes for an easy run, huh? The Chicken Ranch and Sherri's Ranch. I was so flummoxed by my turn at 'Road Private' and the thought of seeing Naked Dancing Girls! that I quickly rolled into the wrong stop. But the marshals at Sherri's were forgiving and still let me pick a card (Queen of Hearts) before advising me I was a dufus and was going out of order. I just smiled and nodded and quickly excused myself to duck into Sherri's for some quality boobies. Except.... NO BOOBIES!!!! WTF??!! No Naked Dancing Girls! No Naked Girls, not even Dancing Girls! They did have Bundled Up Like Eskimos Girls! standing around the "sports bar" portion of Sherri's. Well to be honest, I think there was one girl wearing a bikini serving drinks, but since she was surrounded by every guy at that stop (all 8) I couldn't get a good look. Sigh. I went back outside and over to the vendor booth. Just so it wouldn't be a total waste I bought my brother a hat that had "Sherri's Ranch Bordello" embroidered on it. Can't wait to see his wife's face when he opens it at Christmas. That's what brothers are for.
There was still The Chicken Ranch next door though. So my hopes for seeing Naked Dancing Girls! were not completely dashed yet. We jumped on our bikes, fired them up, revved our throttles, then rolled 20 feet down the road to the next stop. Rightous! Really with the weather the way it was, we were pretty happy to have a 20 foot open road leg.
So here we were at the World Famous Chicken Ranch, well okay the World Famous one was in Texas, but if they don't mind trading on the name, I don't either. I looked around and noticed that the World Famous Chicken Ranch, looks oddly like a reworked small town motel from the 50's with the windows plywooded over. But I didn't give it too much thought. I was sure there were Naked Dancing Girls! to be had.
We charged up to the front door. Which was closed. The marshals were sitting all bundled up next to it with their cards and stamps. Fine, we have to get our cards first (who goes on a poker run in Vegas to play, it's all about boobies here). I pulled a jack of clubs, hmmmm, I got a joker at Red Rock (I think everyone did) to start, then that queen. So I'm now working on a straight. I smiled and thanked the marshal and went for the door. She coughed and pointed behind me. "You can go into the bar behind you, but not this door". Ah! the Naked Dancing Girls! were behind me. I spun and just about dived in to bar... which was filled with guys watching sports on TV and a woman dressed like an eskimo behind the bar serving. WTF!? WTF!? I want Naked Dancing Girls!.
Disheartened at the lack of exposed boobies I slunk back to my buddy and we trudged over to our bikes and with a sigh of dispair fired up our bikes and headed north up Homestead. Our next stop was called Kingdom Gentlemen's Club. With the way our luck has been running, at this point I was willing to bet it was going to be a club for retired British peerage.
We rode up to the intersection of Homestead and NV 160 (d'oh!) and found Kingdom Gentlemen's Club. Stepping in, the club was really dark. We stumbled our way back to a lit table where they were giving out the cards. At this point I wasn't even looking for Naked Dancing Girls! and just went and pulled my card. King of clubs... whatever... sure... fine... Wait! Great Googly Moogly! K,Q,J with a Joker. Holy schnikies! I actually had a chance. Another rider was standing there and saw my score sheet and gave me a hearty back slap and wished me luck. I might have a shot at this thing. I was looking at my sheet so intently as I started to leave, I didn't realize my eyes had adjusted, but fortunately I looked up and saw the stage and .. and ... on that stage... NAKED DANCING GIRL!!!! VICTORY!!!! I looked around, and saw, NAKED WAITRESSES! Boobies on the hoof! But, well, wait a second. The girl on stage wasn't naked. She was wearing a t-shirt. She was bottomless, but wearing a top? What's up with that? I mean, okay, sure, I like muffin and all, but com'on, really if there aren't boobies to go with it. It's kind of wrong. Of course this great quandry is in hindsight, at that moment it was more like. "Well the waitress is showing her boobies, so if I whip my head back and forth fast enough I get 'boobies' + 'muffin'. Sweet." It was all good. Right up until my buddy advised me that "Dude, I have to work tonight, we have to get going so I can get home in time to get ready". NOOOOOOOOooooooooo! He lead me sobbing from the club and we headed for the final stop.
The last stop was all the way back up NV160 about 2 miles south of where it intersects with US95, which of course we had ridden right by a few hours earlier. It's a place called "Short Branch Saloon" or something like that. As the final stop they had the food, the band and unfortunately once again, no Naked Dancing Girls!. Oh well, at this point after doing close to another 30 miles fighting wind and freezing again it would be good to get something to eat.
We rolled in and I remembered my almost straight I had going. Maybe winning would be some solace for the lack of boobies. I strode up to the table, focused on the cards, mixed them mightily in the box then using all my will I pulled.... four of clubs (damnit). Crushed, no boobies on display, 70 miles of wind and cold waiting for us. We ate. The food was pretty decent. Steaks, potatos, baked beans, not bad at all. Just having it in the middle of friggin nowhere put a damper on it. The band was good as well. Of course they stuck mostly with crown pleasers... Skynyrd, but at least they didn't butcher them. This was the most packed any stop was since we left RRHD. There were maybe 40 bikes in the lot. Really kind of a sad turn out for the effort of the cooks and the band. But, weather is weather and you take what you get.
Which at this point meant the death march back to Vegas. Once again we were buffetted and frozen for 70 miles as we struggled our way back to town. My buddy pealed off with a shivvering wave to prepare for his shift and I rolled down the last miles of US95 to catch I15 to Henderson. I was thinking that I would have to be sated with the limited boobie experience of the day when it suddenly hit me. Where 95 and 15 join is just a mile or so from Chica Bonitas and... NAKED DANCING GIRLS!!! I swerved through traffic like a crazy man (or like a regular Vegas driver) and bailed onto Las Vegas Blvd and with a grin on my face and knotted muscles in my shoulders rolled into the parking lot of my favorite club.
And this is where the story gets perfect. I take a seat at the bar, order a coke and then one of the girls comes over and asks me about the poker run. I tell her about the cold and the wind and she immediately pulls my jacket off and proceeds to work out every knot in my shoulders. Now that's service! NAKED DANCING GIRLS and a back rub. Pffft, I'll do a freezing, wind swept, 200 mile poker run any day if it ends like this.
Oh, yes there was a t-shirt purchase somewhere along the way as well. Pose-r-ific!
And of course the pics:
Last edited by Gazzalodi; 02-27-2011 at 09:13 PM.
#2
02-27-2011, 04:05 AM
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Great story, and I'm sure some of us can relate....
There must be Government grant money available to do a study on the "Effect of boobies and the resultant reduction in male brain cell function."
There must be Government grant money available to do a study on the "Effect of boobies and the resultant reduction in male brain cell function."
#7
02-27-2011, 08:01 AM
Outstanding HDF Member
Trending Topics
, at least you got a ride in
#9
02-27-2011, 09:41 AM
Outstanding HDF Member
Great story! I read every word and will remember this story when I ride in an upcoming poker run that features boobies at the end.
#10
02-27-2011, 12:25 PM
Outstanding HDF Member
Great write up on the event. I think you and Roosterboots should co-write a motorcycle story book. It would be a best seller for sure, I'd order the first copy.
I hate working weekends, much as I enjoy riding alone, it would still be fun to do some Las Vegas weekend ride events every now and again.
I hate working weekends, much as I enjoy riding alone, it would still be fun to do some Las Vegas weekend ride events every now and again.