I think you guys an gals will get a chuckle out of my saga so I thought I'd share... Its long but I think you'll enjoy:
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Batteries, motorcyles, and sockets OH MY
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OK. So last night I proceed to take the battery out of the Sportster…. What happens over the course of the next 2 hours is somewhat funny now, but at the time it was HELL!
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First, I had to take the strap thingy off with a socket wrench with the appropriate size socket attached. Then, the little black cover plate comes off pretty easy, so I'm thinking… ok this won't be too hard.&nbsp\\; Well, then there is the chrome battery cover that is wedged in and it took a little tugging, wiggling, cursing but it eventually squeezed its way off too.&nbsp\\;&nbsp\\;
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Now… the battery sits in a tray that has a lip around the bottom to keep the battery seated somewhat secure.&nbsp\\; I pulled and tugged but that little bugger wasn't budging!&nbsp\\; Finally I pushed back on the top edge REALLY hard (and I mean really hard) it finally tipped back far enough that the bottom edge cleared the little ledge/lip thingy on the battery tray and I was able to get the battery out.&nbsp\\; But the battery cables are fairly short so the battery only comes out toward you about 6 inches or so, and the cables are bolted into the side of the battery… the side FACING THE BIKE!!!.&nbsp\\; I proceed to try to balance the heavy battery on my knee as I'm squatting (if this doesn't tell you that it is a very uncomfortable position…. Trust me it was VERY uncomfortable) and find my socket wrench… Damn-it!&nbsp\\; Damn bolt is a different size! &nbsp\\;//start [scarcasm]// Gracefully//end [sarcasm]// I finally find the right size socket to unbolt the cables from the side of the battery…. Meanwhile… sweat is starting to trickle down my face and even my back a little.&nbsp\\; &nbsp\\;Now, we all know the whole "righty tighty – lefty loosey" thing right?&nbsp\\; Well because its opposite of me, I kept forgetting this and would end up tightening the stupid F@Kin bolts… ahem… sorry… well after much cursing, begging, and a leg that has fallen asleep, the battery is now free…&nbsp\\; I take a break!&nbsp\\;
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Time to install the new, eighty F@kin seven dollar battery!&nbsp\\; This damn battery better have a lifetime warranty!&nbsp\\; So I start by bolting the positive side first.&nbsp\\; At this point, don't know if it makes a difference which cable you hook-up first.&nbsp\\; So this goes pretty smooth except a few times where the wrench accidentally makes contact with the negative side too and sparks go flying and I freak out… But I notice that the posts on this battery don't come all the way to the edge….. So I have to almost bend the cable-hook-up-to-the- battery part (I don't know what it's called).&nbsp\\; Anyhow, the cables are now hooked to the battery and they are making contact, although not perfect contact because the post aren't all the way to the edge of the battery but it should be fine.&nbsp\\;
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I put the new battery up on the tray but I don't push it in all the way yet. I go get my key and try to crank it up.&nbsp\\; Well, how bout that, it works…. I'm all excited then the lights and instrument panel goes dark and it shuts down!&nbsp\\; Crap!&nbsp\\; I pull the battery back out, re-tighten the bolts, bust my poor finger cause the wrench slips, CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY F@KING ROOM TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Sorry again… I try starting the bike again and this time it works, everything looks and sounds good.&nbsp\\;
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SOOOO now to get the battery back in its little tray!&nbsp\\; This little tray from HELL now known as LTFH… So I start pushing the battery back into LTFH and it is really not wanting to go… There is no way this is going to fit… I pull it back out look behind it to make sure there isn't anything sticking out or a tool I left back there… nope nothing!!!! So I try again… pushing begging pleading… aarrrggggh… I finally have to use my foot to push on the battery while holding onto the frame of the bike and I finally succeed!!! It's in!&nbsp\\;
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&nbsp\\;I get the chrome cover back on it, the little black cap thingy… then the strap…&nbsp\\; Ah the strap… This piece of sh%t won't slide back in place for nothing!&nbsp\\; I ended up having to take the freakin' fuse cover (I think)&nbsp\\;off so I could get in there and slide the damn strap back where it needs to go… I have to get my socket wrench back out… and change the damn socket BACK to an 11mm so I can get the strap back in place.&nbsp\\; Finally it's done… I figure I should crank it just one more time….&nbsp\\; Turn the key on …. Nothing… no lights… DEAD!!!!&nbsp\\; I scream!&nbsp\\;
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So after I scream and cry a little, I get back to work.&nbsp\\; I get back on the floor and this time I just go ahead and take the fuse cover off and leave it off.&nbsp\\; Get my wrench and take the strap off, then the cover plate thingy, followed by the chrome cover, which, by the way, is still not any easier to get off than the first time!&nbsp\\; Now its time to get the battery out of the LTFH.&nbsp\\; I push and push but this damn thing just won't budge!&nbsp\\; I decide that I need to go outside to my utility building…….I go there so my kids don't hear the expletives that come screaming out of my mouth.&nbsp\\; Now I calmly walk back to my garage and use my foot again to get the battery out of the LTFH.&nbsp\\; This works, but now I have sweat rolling down my neck and its even going between my *****!&nbsp\\; My bra is now soaked!&nbsp\\;&nbsp\\;&nbsp\\;
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I start to re-tighten the bolts again thinking that once I get it squeezed back into the LTFH it must be shifting and or something and losing the connection.&nbsp\\; So I balance the heavy-*** battery on my knee again and start to&nbsp\\;really tightening&nbsp\\;it…. OH but lets not forget that the DAMN BOLT SIZE IS DIFFERENT AND I HAVE TO CHANGE THE SOCKET!!!!!!!!!! F@ker! !!!! Bas%rd!!!!&nbsp\\;
Anyway, I bust up my fingers some more but I get things a tight as they can be... Then I do the whole routine of begging, pleading, crying, cursing and squeeze the battery back into the LTFH.&nbsp\\; But this time, before I get it all tucked back in to its chrome home I try to crank it… Yep, all good.&nbsp\\; I even wiggled the battery a little just to make sure it was going to be good enough!&nbsp\\; Well, it didn't like that too much and the bike spit and said hahaha F%k You before it died!
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So as I sit and think about possible ways to fix the problem…. I'm contemplating calling someone… but I don't want to because….well it just a freakin' battery!&nbsp\\; I have to be missing something. &nbsp\\;So I sit and think, and think, and think.&nbsp\\; I get up, feed the dogs, walk in the house, immediately walk back out when I see what the kids have done to my house since I've been outside!&nbsp\\; Now I sit back down and stare at the battery and my thoughts go to wondering if I took some pliers and bent the cable connector things so they can sit flush with the battery posts maybe then it will have enough contact.&nbsp\\; Humm but what if I snap one of the connector thingies off… then I'm definitely screwed!&nbsp\\; So, as I sit there I look over and see this red cap – rewind back to when I first took the battery out of the box – there is a red cap-like thing covering the positive post. In this red cap were my new bolts to connect the cables.&nbsp\\; Also connected to this red cap thing are these little brass rings… As I look at it I realize that these must be spacers because one side of the ring is flat!!!!!&nbsp\\; Well I decide to try putting these on to see if it makes a difference.
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So I push and push and curse and beg and the battery finally, again, for the 3rd time, it pops over the lip of the LTFH.&nbsp\\; I pull the battery back out and proceed to taken the bolts out.&nbsp\\; Again, I accidentally let the wrench touch both posts and I get another spark from hell and almost heart attack!&nbsp\\; My poor legs and hating me right about now and heaven help me, I think my *** might be sweating at this point!&nbsp\\; So as I balance the incredibly heavy battery… I sh#t you not, this battery is ridiculously heavy…&nbsp\\; Anyway, I get this little spacer and try to line it up so the bolt goes through it and the flat side is down but I drop it, I should have known… Anyway, I get those little buggers on there and everything is tightened up and ready to go…. I sit back and prepare myself for the 3rd pissing contest between myself and the LTFH and but what do you know this time it goes in fairly easy… Must have been that I had the cables so damn kinked trying to reach the post that they were causing the earlier problem… Try cranking it again and it fired right up, lights are bright and for now all is right and good with the universe!
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So far so good, I wiggle and squeeze and stretch the chrome battery cover back on, then the cover plate and last is that damn strap!&nbsp\\; I get it on and start putting the nut on the bolt, but let's not forget I have to change the damn socket first!&nbsp\\; Try cranking it again and hot damn it works!&nbsp\\; Turn it off, but the fuse cover back on and try it again…. It cranked…. It LIVES, It LIVES!&nbsp\\;

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Note to self:&nbsp\\; Look carefully at everything in the box before you do something three times!
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I'm pretty sure when they designed the battery tray/connections on Sportsters they were laughing hysterically. On my old 883, I could get to the posts from under the seat to undo 'em. On the 08... not so much. Funny story though!

 

LewLew, now I have to ask this question, When you had all the battery terminals, connectors etc out and exposed, did you clean everything with a small wire brush and coat them with NoOx or Hi Dialectric grease so air can't get in there and cause oxidation? If not, you'll be doing this again soon.

 

VERY funny story - I think many&nbsp\\;have had at least one trying experience like that.&nbsp\\; If it doesn't kill you, I guess it makes you stronger.&nbsp\\; But man oh man, things like that are brutal while you are enduring them.&nbsp\\; Good for you for triumphing over the LTFH.

 

Well, at least you're trying......Next time ask for helpful tips on here.....You can rest the battery on the "LTFH" while bolting/unbolting the cable connections....

 

Great story!&nbsp\\; I felt the emotion the whole way.&nbsp\\; Those batteries sure are difficult to get to.&nbsp\\; I got to mine back in October to install the harness for my heated jacket liner.&nbsp\\; Took a lot longer than it should have.

 

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Oh God. no I didn't. &nbsp\\;Crap!&nbsp\\; I need to get a repair manual.&nbsp\\; I do good when I have instructions! LOL

 

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"First, I had to take the strap thingy off"
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LOL...LMAO...LOL
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when&nbsp\\;i saw "thingy"...at first i thought this is some newbie guy....but then i&nbsp\\;said..nawww &nbsp\\;it has to be a woman..
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and BTW the connector "thingy"...is called a terminal
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funny story tho...
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yeah they are a little tricky to fenagle all that stuff..

 

And next time, take pics &amp\\; post'm for us.....You know...of the you in that sweat soaked bra....

 

That sounds an awful lot like my fuel-pak installation.