You've got to be shitting me, right??

 

Sadly, I am only able to keep my diarrhea at bay when the weather is bad.

 

Butt plugs !! I use butt plugs when I have to hold my mud while riding. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes. In case of emergencies. there's even a macho looking one you can carry in your saddlebag so your Buds won't know.