Let's see how long we can keep this thread going...
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way is it headed?"
One lady gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."
A guy sitting in the front row says, Excuse me Father, but you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."
Two hunters are walking through the woods, and discover a large well (hole) in the ground. One of the hunters curious as to how deep this well was threw a small stone into and turned his head to listen,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nothing. He then gathers up a larger stone, picks it up with both hands and throws it in the well, turns his head to the side to listen,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nothing. He exclaims to his buddy, man, that is some well. Lets find something bigger to throw off in there. Well the two find a cross tie. One says to the other, pick up one side, I'll get the other. Surely when this thing hits the bottom we'll know it. So the two throw this cross-tie into the well and begin to listen. After a few seconds they hear a goat, wailing at the top of its lungs, while it is running straight toward the two hunters. The goat continues toward them, passes right between the men, and goes off in the well. One hunter in excitment and disbelief, proclaims to the other, did you see that crazy goat?? That damn thing just jumped in that well. The commotion attracted the attention of a local farmer, and he made his way over to the hunters. He asked the guys, "Have you seen my goat, I cant seem to find him?" One of the hunters still excited tells the farmer, sure we have seen your goat. He just ran down that hill straight toward us and jumped off in this well. The farmer replies back, nah, that couldnt have been my goat, my goat was tied to a cross-tie.
Two blondes are walking through the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks. The first blonde bends down and says, "Those are deer tracks." The other blonde looks closely and says, "No, those are definitely moose tracks." "Deer tracks." "Moose tracks!"
They were still arguing when the train ran them over.
Two RUBs and an Ol’ Biker are taking a steam bath at Sturgis one year. Suddenly a beeper goes off. The first RUB, who had his $35K WCC chopper trailered in from Hollywierd, says, “That’s just my beeper that I had implanted in my ear so I would not miss any calls.” A few moments later the chimes of a cell phone echo around the bath. The second RUB, who had his $45K OCC chopper flown in from NY City, answers his cell phone, which he had implanted in his hand and proceeds to take care of business ignoring the other two. The Ol’ Biker, who RODE his ’46 Knucklehead up from Brownsville, TX, decides it is time to take a dump. When he comes back, there is a piece of TP hanging out of his butt crack. The two RUBs nudge each other and start to chuckle. Nonplused, the Ol’ Biker looks down and says, “Well danged, if I ain’t getting’ a FAX.”
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'06 Road Glide - 114 cui, stage IV heads, 615/585, K&N, PC III, D&D Fat Cat
'07 Nightster stage I with PC III and D&D Fat Cat
there was a farmer and his grandson out in the field,the farmer was on his tractor and his grandson was playing when he found a red balloon,he started to play with it while his grandfather was on the tractor.just then the boy got the balloon stuck in a hole and could not get it out,while he was trying to pull the balloon free,he heard his mom call him and tell him it was time to go.so the little boy left the balloon and ran toward the house,his grandfather saw him running to the house and waved bye to him.all of a sudden while he was on the tractor a pain hit him and he had to use the bathroom and he knew he would not make it to the house....so he just pulled down his pants and let it rip,little did he know he was right over the red balloon.so when he was finished he looked down and saw that big red thing with all that sheet over it and he started yelling for his wife to call the doctor...so she called the doctor and he came out to check out the farmer.....the doctor could not believe his eyes,he said this thing came out of you and the farmer said yes...what is it doctor,I don't know the doctor said....just then the doctor picked up a stick and started sticking the red thing with all the sheet over it....and BOOM the balloon busted and sheet went all over the doctor and the farmer....just then the farmer said what was it doctor and the doctor said I have been a doctor for 35 years and that's the first time I ever saw a FART.
Bob and his wife are out playing golf ond day. Bob is up and slices it hard to the right out near a barn. As Bob tries to figure out how to get back on the fairway, his wife gets an idea. "Bob, just hit it straight through the barn back to the fairway." Great idea honey. He hits the ball, bounces off the barn door, hits his wife in the head and kills her immediately. The next time Bob decides to play golf his friend is with him. Bob is on the same hole when he hits the ball back out by the same barn he did before. As he tries to decide how to get it back to the course, his friend says, "hey, just hit it through the barn and out the other side." Bull**** Bob says- the last time I tried that, I ended up 7 over on this hole.
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