Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse
Login  | |
|
Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/30/2007 8:11:22 PM
|
|
|
pococj
Outstanding HDF Member
Posts: 7259
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: Texas! Ya mean there''s someplace else?
Status: online
|
Been awhile since I posted this tale I found on a newsgroup many years ago. There's enough new folks around so i thought I'd drop it in here again. It might belong in the joke section, 'ceptin' it's s'posed to be true. Enjoy!
A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef, was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards.
It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment. We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated.
Perhaps bit too much, however. I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelming plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas, which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.
Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food, which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...
I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall.
One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good crap, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a crap.
I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions.
I began "The Move." For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time.
It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of turds at the exact same second those ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.
I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little
_____________________________
Chrome sucks.
Patch holders are people, too!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/30/2007 8:34:00 PM
|
|
|
PigInaBlanket
Posts: 3913
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
Oh damn i haven't seen that story in a while. I came across it a few years ago while searching for something I don't even remember. Anyways it cracked me the hell up. Thanks for posting it again. 
_____________________________
Current bike: 2007 Street Bob
V&H Short Shots, SE ac, PC III, forward controls
Previous bike: 2005 Sporty NRHS 883/1250C conversion AKA oil guzzler R.I.P.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/30/2007 9:25:33 PM
|
|
|
jbphoto
Posts: 620
Joined: 8/8/2007
From: Belle, West Virginia
Status: offline
|
I eat at Ryan's about twice a month. I can't tell you how hard I laughed while reading this. You know that every time I go there from now on I'll remember this story.
Thanks... I think!!
_____________________________
Jerry
2008 FXDB vivid black
A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving - Lao Tzu
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/30/2007 9:56:00 PM
|
|
|
SpeedsterX
Multiple Time Contributor
Posts: 4905
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline
|
WOW!!!!
That was soooo long, I had to take a crap before I read it all!! LOL!!
Thumbnail Image
 Attachment (1)
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/30/2007 10:03:52 PM
|
|
|
freekdawg1200
Posts: 1146
Joined: 11/5/2006
From: Just north of Philly!
Status: offline
|
Thanks.....I no longer have the munchies! 
_____________________________
1999 1200C
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 5:03:13 AM
|
|
|
LIRIDE
Posts: 1236
Joined: 11/2/2006
From: Long Island
Status: offline
|
mmmm, I'm hungry
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 6:05:30 AM
|
|
|
RA51
Posts: 150
Joined: 7/29/2007
Status: offline
|
Thats the funniest stuff I have read in a while. LOL
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 6:14:33 AM
|
|
|
Fandango6
Posts: 1785
Joined: 10/27/2004
From: Severna Park, Maryland 21146
Status: offline
|
And I thought you said you didn't need them depends! LOL
_____________________________
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 9:28:56 AM
|
|
|
Coaster
Posts: 4633
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Pittsburgh
Status: offline
|
It's just as good the second time around
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 9:36:36 AM
|
|
|
ckgdrums
Posts: 1826
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Wichita, KS
Status: offline
|
I had to stop reading this 2 or 3 times cause of tears in my eyes... I almost passed out when I was reading it out loud to my wife while she was fixing dinner. That may be one of the funniest things I've ever read.
_____________________________
Ride Safe,
Chuck
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 9:59:17 AM
|
|
|
Cynic
Posts: 694
Joined: 4/15/2007
Status: offline
|
HeHeHe...I all ready ate Funny stuff!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 10:08:46 AM
|
|
|
Scoones
Posts: 53
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Kansas
Status: offline
|
Now that's funny...I don't care who you are...That's funny!
My side hurts now.
Thanks for sharing.
Who's up for some gooey Mac-n-Cheese?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 10/31/2007 4:49:46 PM
|
|
|
mysticwolf
Posts: 779
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
|
 to Ryans, may we seat you in the bathroom? Thats the funniest damn thing I ever read. Thanks
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 11/1/2007 10:57:37 AM
|
|
|
WVHogRider
Posts: 1068
Joined: 11/17/2006
From: Wheeling, WV
Status: offline
|
Now that's funny Poco. Now, everytime I go to "drop the kids off at the pool" I think of you exploding all over Ryan's bathroom. Just caught myself Speedwalking down the hall, and hoping I would make it in time to not do a "Poco".
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Been Awhile ... Ryan's Steakhouse - 11/1/2007 6:29:02 PM
|
|
|
pococj
Outstanding HDF Member
Posts: 7259
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: Texas! Ya mean there''s someplace else?
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WVHogRider
Now that's funny Poco. Now, everytime I go to "drop the kids off at the pool" I think of you exploding all over Ryan's bathroom. Just caught myself Speedwalking down the hall, and hoping I would make it in time to not do a "Poco".
Woah there! Warn't me! I only wish I could take credit for coming up with that. I believe it came from an ol' biker named "Greasy Rider". Name fits, eh?
_____________________________
Chrome sucks.
Patch holders are people, too!
|
|
|
|
|
Printable Version
[image]
