IRS Audit
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the
IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with
his attorney.
The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that
you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph.
'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'
Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can
bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's
jaw drops. Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes
the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get
nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you
six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts
his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when
Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five
thousand dollars that he could come in here and p!ss all over your desk
and that you'd be happy about it.'
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2007 Pacific Blue Pearl Ultra Classic
HOG Member - Milwaukee Chapter
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