Anger Management
This was forwarded to me today, if you've read it before Sorry 'bout that.
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the righ t f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an a$$hole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a$$hole!' It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic a$$hole calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' \\; He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an a$$hole!' and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is...'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell yo U something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an a$$hole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called A$$hole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an a$$hole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler,
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole,' and hung up.
Then I called A$$hole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, a$$hole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your a$$,'
I answered, 'Well, a$$hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the sh!t out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management works!
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You have to learn how to fall before you can learn how to ride.
Kristy
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