Hello everybody, been having a tough time lately. There have been alot of MC accidents and deaths in Connecticut recently. My wife and I witnessed one 2 weeks ago and the guy died. Cager cut him off going into a Handymart. Our good friend got cut off in an intersection a week prior and luckily came out without a scratch but his new bike has 10K worth of damage to it. It was a very violent accident. Our other friend hit a deer and amazingly he didn't drop his Ultra Classic. Now, this Sunday my wifes best friend was on the back of her boyfriends bike in town (we are all very good friends) and a cager came out of an intersection directly in front of him, he tried to stop and highsided, was thrown off the bike and landed directly on his head. It was about 25mph. He had 5 skull fractures and went into cardiac arrest at the hospital and died. His passenger has 2 broken ribs and some road rash. He never came into contact with the car.
Another guy died a week prior at the same intersection when he was hit buy a cager. Anyway.... its really scarey and my wife no longer wants to ride. I just bought a new FXWDGI last month. I got years and years of payments due to prove it!
I don't want to get into the helmet/no helmet debate. You don't need one in CT. My wife and myself always wear helmets and bike jackets. None of our friends do. Thats our choice and thats their choice. The parametics and the doctors said that our friend had a ruptured spleen and a small tear in his liver but they weren't life threatening. Unfortunately, he landed directly on his head on the street and the doctors said a helmet would have saved him. Our friend (the girl on the back of the bike) is pleading with everybody she see's who rides to please wear a helmet because if he had one on he would be home today. Its so terribly sad. Anyway, I am having a tough time dealing with it because I have often climbed on my soapbox and begged my friends to start wearing a lid. I start preaching when stuff like this happens. I am not doing it this time. Its not fair to my friends because its their choice and its the law in CT. How do you guys and gals deal with stuff like this. This really hit close to home. My wife is very afraid. I told her to stay off the bike for as long as she feels scared. To tell you the truth, I don't even want to ride it.
The other thing that is a bummer is that I feel partially responsible that my friend got a new bike. He might have bought the new Blackline last year after many years of not riding partially because my wife and I would talk about all the good times out riding with all of our friends. Just needed to vent a little. I am having a tough time with it. My other riding friends tend to let it roll off their shoulders and are already planning a big ride this weekend. I don't even want to look at the bike at this point.

 

I don't argue helmets or ATGATT. The stuff has saved me a couple times. I had an epiphany at Sturgis many years ago, making a high speed run from Hot Springs to Rapid City. 90 mph, no helmets. At that speed no helmet will save you.

Been a cop for 22 years, a paramedic 27, in EMS over 40. Yes, I have unbuckled helmets from dead riders. Yes, I have seen my share of idiots in shorts and T-shirts with what amounts to 2nd degree burns from sliding. Yes, I have worked the ER and got to scrub, and be scrubbed. All you can do is evaluate your own preferences in life, and how much discomfort you are willing to accept.

As far as mourning, I am also a CISM debriefer, and would be happy to talk to you or write off site. I have been where you are. Send me a private....

 

Believe it or not I look at it like this, when it's your time it's your time. Doesn't make a difference where you are or what you're on or in. Car, bicycle, motorcycle, horse, tractor or even a wheel chair. When it's time you can't do a thing about it. You can hide in your house but that really won't change too much. It will a little but it's a matter of how much you want to interact with the world. I crashed big time in January and if I hadn't been wearing full protect I wouldn't be here. But I choose to wear the stuff and some choose not to. In either case we are doing what we want and like. I would rather go doing what I like rather than stay at home getting fatter, lazy and miserable. That's why I'm back on a bike and loving it. I still have a long way to go to get back to where I was before the crash but it's improving every time I go for a ride. That's me though. You have to do things your way.

 

what you are doing right now is a good start

I would also take philly up on his offer

additionally you are not responsible for your friends accident, you didn't cause it, you weren't driving the car that caused it, you simply shared a part of your life and he wanted that for himself

you and your wife do things to make yourselves safer and remove a few variables from the equation by wearing a helmet and jacket, that is great, it never hurts to be safer.

I have been in two accidnets without a helmet on and I was fine both times, additionally I have friends that have been in them also, with and without, some were OK others were badly hurt, and yes some didn't make it. You do whats best for you and her


don't do anything rash, wait until you think with a clear mind on the future of the bike

I do hope you feel better.

 

Sounds to me like you are worrying more then you are having fun. If that is the case, only you know this, then why do it? Take a break for a while, come back to it and see where you are then.

 

I jump on my scoot and ride. To the funeral home, to some park with a view, to some place and back. If there isn't a memorial run I just make one up for myself. I am mortal and there but for the grace of God go I ------- and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will admit taking deer season a little more personal since one of those speed beef killed a buddy of mine. But other than that I just try to be me and put one foot on the pegs at a time.

 

Here is my opinion.

First, you need to get off that soap box and accept the fact that your friends are adults and don't want or need your advice to wear a helmet.

Second, you need to take a break from riding. Your mindset is such that you are expecting an accident and that is not a good frame of mind to be in when riding. Nothing at all wrong with taking a break by the way. A while back I started out on a morning ride. Not even a mile from the house I realized that the bike didn't feel right, I didn't feel right, nothing was clicking so to speak. At the first opportunity, I turned around and went back home. My mindset was not right...and I knew it. Rode again after a week and all was right again. Your frame of mind is critical and yours is not where it should be.

Third, your wife has made up her mind it sounds. Even if you get back in the saddle, I would ride solo until she gets in the right frame of mind...if she ever does.

Lastly, you might consider moving. Seriously, I can remember maybe two motorcycle deaths in this area in the last year. You rattled off four or five in just a few weeks it sounds like.

Good luck and take your time.

 

Thanks for the responses so far. My wife certainly needs to take a break for a little while.
I will probably be back on the bike solo sooner than later. After reading many of the responses, I realize that I am not actually scared to get on the bike. Its more of a respect for my friend who passed away. He loved to ride and had all kinds of plans over this coming winter for his new Blackline. He was going to get a new set of bars and he was picking out a 2 into 1 black exhaust for it. I guess he is riding it up in heaven now. I just don't feel right riding when he can't anymore.
Also, my wife would worry too much about me on the bike at this time and thats not fair to her.
After some time passes though I am definately going to help organize a memorial ride for him providing his family is ok with it.

 

Motorcycles are dangerous and each one of us that ride know that. The majority of us have all had close calls. The roads are so crowded now with cages and trucks and it seems everyone is in a hurry and have no patience or are distracted by cell phones. Unfortunately that has now become human nature and there is nothing you can do about it accept try to be cautious and alert. Wearing the correct gear is one way to be minimize the damage but not always the rest seems to be fate or luck of the draw. I had 3 friends that were killed on motorcycles in a one month time and I have had numorous friends hurt in accidents, but I would still ride with out a helmet if I didn't have to. Now I do wear a helmet 99% of the time and it took an accident in a helmet state to get me to do that when I realized that if I wasn't wearing a it, I probably wouldn't be here now, not to mention that breaking bones, road rash and rehabilitation are not fun. That said I love to ride too much than to give it up.

 

knew a guy who wouldn't ride on the motor way in case his chain came off.
You have to assess the dangers and preempt what the **** or cager is doing or not.

Seeing what you have is off putting you need to decide is it for you anymore or not.

I personally think that I have acquired better observation skills as a rider and 9 times out of 10 can see what the **** is going to do.

living is a risk try walking across the road when you shouldn't.