Got the wife out on her Sporster today. Had a great time on some foothill roads. We were headed home westbound on 168 and had to make a right turn at this intersection. As I look in my side mirror to see her behind me, I see her swing way wide and enter oncoming traffic lanes. I winced and was very happy she didn't center punch a car. But she did panic. It was only a couple more miles to home. She got home, took off her helmet and began to cry. Basically she scared the crap out of herself and me. After settling her down, I explained that she just transferred some luck out of one saddle bag into the other bag marked experience. I reminded her that she has to fill that experience bag before she runs out of luck and that I Have screwed that intersection up not once but 5 times (not that bad, but poorly executed). It is a very difficult intersection with an apparent greater than 90 degree right hand turn AND the roadway slopes hard down to the left so a correct lean angle to the right seems really steep to a newbie (see blog re: She'll never ride). Basically, she just didn't push that right hand grip far enough to negotiate the turn. She thinks she was going to fast.

Anybody have experience or suggestions for dealing with the confidence fallout from a near miss? I'm expecting she'll be a BIT skiddish next time riding, which is never good. I'm thinking back to a parking lot to work on leaning the bike over. Or should I just do what I did when I screwed it up and simply tell her to be more careful? I just called myself a dumba$$ and continued on my way when I did it.

 

Bought 2 bikes from people who had the confidence hit and never got over it so good luck on what approach you take with her, some get past it some don't but whatever you do don't push.

 

Does she ever go out for a ride by herself? Do you always lead and she follow or do you take turns? How old was she when she got her m/c endorsement?

 

My wife is in the parking lot practice phase. There's a big, empty lot just down the street. A couple of empty storefronts and very little traffic. The other day we tried a little slow speed practice in the neighborhood. I thought it would be good to help her learn that turning and starting isn't that hard... My mistake.

(oh, and yes, she did take the MSF Beginning Rider Course a little more than a month ago)

We were on a slight downhill street, coming to a stop sign at a T. There was a car parked across from the intersection, a guy walking his dog.... And she came away too slow and the bike fell over. She wasn't hurt, the bike barely has a scratch (on the brake light housing) But, she was really upset. We came to a similar turn a few minutes later returning to the house... and she said she almost did it again.

When we got home she gave me the 'I can't do it" thing and cried. I was supportive, but wouldn't ever tell her she couldn't do it. She told me to sell the bike... I didn't commit to anything. She was very upset that evening. I felt horrible. I should have kept her in the parking lot longer.

I reminded her that I've tipped bikes over, way more times than she has! I also reminded her that I've been riding for a long time compared to her. I told her I would support whatever decision she made. But, I also felt she was being a little hard on herself.

The next morning she told me she was serious the night before... Then she left for work. About an hour later, I got a text, 'Don't do anything yet. Let me think about it.' LOL. I knew her stubbornness would eventually win out. Just like mine did. Yesterday she suggested we do some parking lot practice this afternoon.

Her confidence is not there yet. She is still scared and halfway convinced she can't do it. I want her to enjoy riding. She's bugged me for a bike for a while... as in, 'the next bike that comes into this house better be for me', when I talked about replacing the last bike. So, I did it. Got her the course, then went and bought her a bike.

I will definitely go back to not pushing her. In fact, I will probably get into the mode of not letting her get ahead of herself. And she'll probably be pissed at me by the time I let her lose on a street again.

My biggest advice, patience and support.

 

You said the right thing to her. Give her a little space. There isn't a person here who hasn't screwed up, people with lots of experience. It happens.

 

I think you handled it well, every time I ride, I learn something knew about the bike, the environment, and myself....usually through being dissatisfied with how something went or I successfully screwed something up without damaging myself, the bike or others.

The right turn you described is tough for a beginner, down slope, non-standard and she is following you trying to be within a reasonable distance.

I suggest patience, some more riding in areas that you both are very familiar with, then go back to the intersection and try it again (maybe with a prebrief), if you know of one similar, have her ride through that and then explain that she just went through a very similar turn successfully.

Also show her some of these posts, we all learn through our mistakes and most of us have made many while embracing our passion for riding and our bikes.

 

Well, believe it or not,, it's actually on you.
If your going to lead,, you need to lead like your riding with an inexperienced rider.New riders will just follow the lead like they're in a car at the speed the lead is moving.
So get your head out of your ***, figure out she doesn't have your skill level and lead into tough corners at a lower speed.
Don't blame it on her.

 

I'll agree with the other guys, you handled it well.

She needs to understand that, in reality, this was a good experience. Yes, only because she got through it unscathed, but we've all done that, more than once. And that's the key point, and the key point I use whenever I scare myself.

I mentally sit myself down for a moment and ask myself: "Ok, wtf did I just do??". Why did that happen? What did I do that I shouldn't have done? What did I fail to do that I should have done? Once the fear subsides I really do try to learn from it, and not do it again.

Glad she made it through ok, and I hope she doesn't get too scared to get back in the saddle.

 

That was an excellent learning experience and she did not get hurt, other than the scary part of it. These errors, miscalculations, etc. are all part of the learning experience and will make her a better rider down the road. Luck was on her side and I think you both handled it just fine. The fact that it scared her is great. If she didn't take it seriously I would be concerned.

I have some suggestions.

1. Ask if she was trying to keep up with you. If so, this is an excellent example of how she should "ride her own ride". She will likely be behind you again or even other riders and in every circumstance she needs to evaluate the situation for her comfort level, not anyone else's.

2. I would take her back to that intersection at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning when there is no traffic and do it a couple more times so she can experience it with no pressure. That's probably the toughest type of right hand turn and if she gets that down she will be golden from now on. Everybody has ridden outside the lines. Everybody. Accept it, beat it, and move on.

3. There will be other "Oh Sh*t" moments in the future. Encountering dirt or gravel; going up a steep hill where you have to stop at the top; going down a steep hill where you have to stop at the bottom; debris on the road; rain and standing water, ruts in the road; big pot holes; dogs and other animals; grated steel on bridges; bumpy railroad crossings; A$$HOLES; etc. If you talk about these things and formulate action plans, when the time comes you will react appropriately.

I will tell you that men and women ride differently. Men are a bit more aggressive negotiating maneuvers and tend to be quicker on the throttle. Women tend to sit in the saddle differently. It goes back to our mom's hammering into our heads to have good posture. If her bike has mid controls you will especially notice the posture and it is less relaxed.

If you ever head south to SoCal, give a shout. I'll ride with her any day.

 

I will respectfully disagree. We are talking about his wife and judging from his post I really don't think he was so irresponsible to endanger her by seeing how fast he can take the turn. He might do that with his buddies, but not with his wife. I've read through his entire post and can tell that he cares very much that she is safe and enjoys riding.

She made the mistake and needs to own that. We've all been there and done that. We learn and move on. Hopefully it will never be repeated.