Friday Funnies: Christmas Edition

By William Connor - December 23, 2016

It’s almost Christmas! One more day of shopping to go until you get a whole year to recover. How about a laugh before we close out the week? Consider it our gift to you.

JOKES & SPOKES

‘Heavenly Dilemma’

Three guys die in random accidents on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. Upon entering, they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a gingerbread-man cookie. He is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” He answered, “They’re Carol’s.”

‘Hostages & a Hard-Candy Christmas’

A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new…” He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again: “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

Then, h gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…”

Thanks for checking out the “Friday Funnies.” Have a very Merry Christmas!