Friday Funnies – Political Jokes
In honor of the FBI not indicting Hillary it seemed appropriate to post some jokes poking fun of the Liberals in the world. Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.
Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts? A: Change.
Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute? A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common? A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road? A: Vultures will eat the skunk.
Q: How do you confuse a Liberal? A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a catfish? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What’s worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer? A: Marc Foley calling you a pervert!
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer? A: Chelsea.
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people’s money.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Q: What’s the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they’re really good people.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals? A: A whine cellar.
Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax? A: After it reaches 95%
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won’t kiss a dogs ass!
Q: Why did God create Democrats? A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate’s usual question in his first job? A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? A: It’s irrelevant; they still don’t know they’re in the dark!
Q: What is the difference between a liberal ass-kisser and a brown-noser? A: Depth perception.
Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week? A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What the difference between a Liberal and the rear end of a horse? A: I don’t know either.
Q: How do Democrats talk about Republican foreign policy? A: By saying the word “Conspiracy” over and over again
Q: What’s the definition of a Liberal running for Congress for the first time? A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House? A: in Washington DC
Q: How do you know you’re a Democrat? A1: You think poverty can be abolished. A2: You admire the Swedish welfare system A3: You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock A4: After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.” A5: You still own something that says “Dukakis for President,”
Member of Clinton’s Cabinet: “Hurry up Mrs. Clinton, we are about to have a huge meeting on foreign policy with hundreds of world leaders!” Clinton: “Hold on a second, let me finish sending this unencrypted classified email to my foreign donors”
Genie: A Liberal found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.” He said, “I wish I were smarter”. So the genie made him a Republican.
Light Bulb: If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say its causing global warming, The second one would say its racist, The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.