I knew it was a bad day to get out of bed, but it looked like rain outside and I needed a shower. With some effort, I dragged my *** into the living room, plopped it down in my favorite chair, and sat on it. I turned on the computer to check the news on one of them new-fangled "blogs", but I was just getting over a head cold and couldn't say "blog" without jettisoning a bolus of excess mucosa onto my lap. So instead, I called up the Lucianne Goldberg site and scanned the headlines. And there it was.

"HARLEY DAVIDSON TO MAKE MOTORBIKES IN INDIA NEXT YEAR"

I reeled. And when I was done, I reeled again. My mind was spinning out of control. I slapped a book down on it and it sat still long enough for me to snap it back into place so's I could cogitate on the future.

I ask you, does this move not blur the distinction between Indian Americans and American Indians? Will we have to choose between driving an Indian or driving an Indian Harley?

And how will we know whether our new machine was made overseas? The cost savings enjoyed by hiring a labor force who cannot pronounce "Davidson" on the first try will be offset by the expense of shipping the end product half way around the world to a showroom near you. At least the two months' transit exposed to salt air will make them easily identifiable at the dealership.

(Note: Apologies are extended for the preceding racist comment. Mister Sensitivity does not play well with others. What I meant to say was that the labor force would build Harley Dabidsums with all the care and forethought that goes into the construction of an ant mound.)

What will the one percenters do? Their clubs require American-made bikes. Will the Hells Angels transmogrify into the "Reincarnated Recidivists"? Will the Sons of Anarchy commission a new chapter in Mahawilachchia? (and will season 4 see little Abel swept away into the slums of Calcutta?)

Harley going offshore requires two or more members of the board to agree on that plan of action, so that officially makes it a conspiracy to commit treason. I recommend that their trial be held in Lynchburg, Virginia, for reasons of symmetry.

And if the thought of a million 50cc two-stroke "motorbikes" cutting in and out of traffic in New Delhi, each one sporting an Ultra Classic label on their leg fenders is more than you think you can bear, it might help to remember the words of General George S. Patton.

"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of Victory."