Friday Funnies – Nerd Edition

I may be older but I am a tech nerd from a very young age. I love gadgets, and these jokes really tickle my funny bone for that reason. 

IBM:
They would want one big bike that people can ride if they first submit (for overnight processing) a request to use the resources. Thousands of other users could use the bike at the same time due to its ability to efficiently schedule use of the major components. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe, six motorcycles.

Radio Shack:
The staff would sell you a bike, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own bike!

Oracle:
They’d claim their motorcycle was compatible with all types and styles of riders, but when you got it home you’d discover the cruising engine was still in development, the short rider’s support extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole thing was just blowing smoke (Hey! Like an old Harley!).

Sun Microsystems:
The oil would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

DEC
They made good motorcycles in the ’80s, didn’t they?

Hewlett-Packard
They would market the reverse polish gear shift procedure, which requires the driver to shift gears with his right hand, engage the clutch with his left foot, brake with left hand and right foot.

Cray:
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other motorcycle in the world.

Sony:
The BikeMan, which would be barely larger than a skateboard, can be conveniently attached to your belt (whether you’re using it or not).

Price Club/Cost Co:
They’d be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of ’em.

Microsoft: (of course)
Motorcycle ’95 would weigh 15.000 pounds (hence requiring a pair of reinforced steel wheels), would offer a ‘plug and drive’ way to connect new add-ons to your bike (chrome, J&M radios, Widder electrics etc. would all be easily added to your bike’s operating system registry), take up 95% of the space in your garage, would claim to be the first bike that lets you control how how much fuel is mixed with air while the engine is running without knowing any special skills, and would secretly interrogate your other vehicles to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft motorcycles, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good add-ons from J&M, Big Bike, Show Chrome, Markland et al. only work with Microsoft motorcycles.