Rectum stretcher / Speeding tickets.....
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Ultimate HDF Member
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Rectum stretcher / Speeding tickets.....
We had a thread going some time ago regarding speeding tickets being "All about the money". I thought this fit in nicely with that.....
> >RECTUM STRETCHER
> >While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the
> >limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar
> >gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked
> >up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know
> >and love, asked "What's your
> >hurry?"
> >
> >To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
> >"Oh yeah," said the snide cop, "what do you do?"
> >"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
> >The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
> >rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one
> >finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,
> >then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get
> >both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about
> >6 feet wide."
> >
> >"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *** hole?" he asked.
> >
> >"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...."
> >
> >
> >Traffic Ticket $95.00
> >Court Costs $45.00
> >The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
> >RECTUM STRETCHER
> >While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the
> >limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar
> >gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked
> >up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know
> >and love, asked "What's your
> >hurry?"
> >
> >To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
> >"Oh yeah," said the snide cop, "what do you do?"
> >"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
> >The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
> >rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one
> >finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,
> >then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get
> >both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about
> >6 feet wide."
> >
> >"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *** hole?" he asked.
> >
> >"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...."
> >
> >
> >Traffic Ticket $95.00
> >Court Costs $45.00
> >The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
Outstanding HDF Member
Joined: Sep 2006
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From: Wichita, KS
RE: Rectum stretcher / Speeding tickets.....
That's a good one....
Reminds me of the one about the Hiway Patrol Trooper that pulled over a lady for speeding.
The Trooper approaches her car and asks the lady, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The lady replies, "Yes, to sell me tickets to the Hiway Patrolmans Ball."
Trooper says, "No ma'am, it was because you were speeding."
She says, "Are you sure it wasn't to sell me tickets to the Hiway Patrolman's Ball?"
The Trooper looks at her and says, "Lady, Hiway Patrolmen don't have *****!"
....the trooper hung his head and walked away....
No disrespect to any LEO on this board or anywhere else for that matter...
Reminds me of the one about the Hiway Patrol Trooper that pulled over a lady for speeding.
The Trooper approaches her car and asks the lady, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The lady replies, "Yes, to sell me tickets to the Hiway Patrolmans Ball."
Trooper says, "No ma'am, it was because you were speeding."
She says, "Are you sure it wasn't to sell me tickets to the Hiway Patrolman's Ball?"
The Trooper looks at her and says, "Lady, Hiway Patrolmen don't have *****!"
....the trooper hung his head and walked away....
No disrespect to any LEO on this board or anywhere else for that matter...
Cruiser
Joined: Aug 2006
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From:
RE: Rectum stretcher / Speeding tickets.....
here's one:
TWO GUYS ARE DRIVING DOWN A MISSISSIPPI ROAD AND ARE PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER. THE OFFICER WALKS UP TO THE VEHICLE AND INSTRUCTS THE DRIVER TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. WHEN THE DRIVER ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW HE GETS A RAP ON THE HEAD WITH THE OFFICER'S STICK. THE DRIVER SAYS: "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" AND THE OFFICER SAYS "NEXT TIME YOU'RE STOPPED, HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENCE OUT AND READY. THE OFFICER THEN GOES TO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF THE VEHICLE WHERE HE RAPS THE PASSENGER IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK. THE PASSENGER SAYS "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" THE OFFICER SAYS I MADE YOUR WISH COME TRUE. I KNOW THAT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD YOUR GOING TO SAY "I WISH HE WOULD HAVE TRIED THAT **** WITH ME."
TWO GUYS ARE DRIVING DOWN A MISSISSIPPI ROAD AND ARE PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER. THE OFFICER WALKS UP TO THE VEHICLE AND INSTRUCTS THE DRIVER TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. WHEN THE DRIVER ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW HE GETS A RAP ON THE HEAD WITH THE OFFICER'S STICK. THE DRIVER SAYS: "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" AND THE OFFICER SAYS "NEXT TIME YOU'RE STOPPED, HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENCE OUT AND READY. THE OFFICER THEN GOES TO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF THE VEHICLE WHERE HE RAPS THE PASSENGER IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK. THE PASSENGER SAYS "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" THE OFFICER SAYS I MADE YOUR WISH COME TRUE. I KNOW THAT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD YOUR GOING TO SAY "I WISH HE WOULD HAVE TRIED THAT **** WITH ME."
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From:
RE: Rectum stretcher / Speeding tickets.....
ORIGINAL: M2hunter
here's one:
TWO GUYS ARE DRIVING DOWN A MISSISSIPPI ROAD AND ARE PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER. THE OFFICER WALKS UP TO THE VEHICLE AND INSTRUCTS THE DRIVER TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. WHEN THE DRIVER ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW HE GETS A RAP ON THE HEAD WITH THE OFFICER'S STICK. THE DRIVER SAYS: "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" AND THE OFFICER SAYS "NEXT TIME YOU'RE STOPPED, HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENCE OUT AND READY. THE OFFICER THEN GOES TO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF THE VEHICLE WHERE HE RAPS THE PASSENGER IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK. THE PASSENGER SAYS "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" THE OFFICER SAYS I MADE YOUR WISH COME TRUE. I KNOW THAT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD YOUR GOING TO SAY "I WISH HE WOULD HAVE TRIED THAT **** WITH ME."
here's one:
TWO GUYS ARE DRIVING DOWN A MISSISSIPPI ROAD AND ARE PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER. THE OFFICER WALKS UP TO THE VEHICLE AND INSTRUCTS THE DRIVER TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. WHEN THE DRIVER ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW HE GETS A RAP ON THE HEAD WITH THE OFFICER'S STICK. THE DRIVER SAYS: "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" AND THE OFFICER SAYS "NEXT TIME YOU'RE STOPPED, HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENCE OUT AND READY. THE OFFICER THEN GOES TO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF THE VEHICLE WHERE HE RAPS THE PASSENGER IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK. THE PASSENGER SAYS "WHAT'S THAT FOR?" THE OFFICER SAYS I MADE YOUR WISH COME TRUE. I KNOW THAT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD YOUR GOING TO SAY "I WISH HE WOULD HAVE TRIED THAT **** WITH ME."
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