Where's Waldo?
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Road Warrior
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,878
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From: Utah
Where's Waldo?
Went on a 2 bike ride. Left Carbondale, Co one morning with future Father-in-Law running behind with his daughter and me running lead.
Didn't make but a few miles and FIL was not in mirror so pulled over to wait. He shows up with a sniffing the flowers attitude. Asked him to lead if sight seeing was his agenda. He refused.
So, back on the road and same thing. Pulled over again in just a few miles.
Now we set out again for the third time and guess what? He's gone again! We pull over and wait 45 minutes and no FIL. Asked several groups if they saw a lone biker on the side of the road and all were negative. WTF?
We back tracked to where we last had him in our sight. We had no cell service. Cruised a small town looking for him to no avail. Found a land line to use and called his wife and she had not heard anything. We're freak'n out!
Knowing his crazy ways and past history, we make the decision to carry on. About 2 hours later, we get a text from his wife. She says he had a change of plan and was on his way to Wyoming to see his Sister who was in very poor health.
WTH? Well, FIL never contacted us. We were butt-hurt and very worried. Come to find out, he was very butt-hurt 'cause we abandoned him. Really? We made a good effort to find him especially after lagging so bad two times already.
Anyway, hind sight is 20-20 but what would you have done in this situation? I thought we covered the bases but as it turned out, if we had continued another few miles of back track, may have found him. He says he stopped to help a young gal change a tire. Wouldn't you have told the gal you'd love to help but needed to check in with group and be right back with help? Very confusing situation and having a butt-hurt Future FIL sucks! So, were we azz-hats for leaving the Dude?
Didn't make but a few miles and FIL was not in mirror so pulled over to wait. He shows up with a sniffing the flowers attitude. Asked him to lead if sight seeing was his agenda. He refused.
So, back on the road and same thing. Pulled over again in just a few miles.
Now we set out again for the third time and guess what? He's gone again! We pull over and wait 45 minutes and no FIL. Asked several groups if they saw a lone biker on the side of the road and all were negative. WTF?
We back tracked to where we last had him in our sight. We had no cell service. Cruised a small town looking for him to no avail. Found a land line to use and called his wife and she had not heard anything. We're freak'n out!
Knowing his crazy ways and past history, we make the decision to carry on. About 2 hours later, we get a text from his wife. She says he had a change of plan and was on his way to Wyoming to see his Sister who was in very poor health.
WTH? Well, FIL never contacted us. We were butt-hurt and very worried. Come to find out, he was very butt-hurt 'cause we abandoned him. Really? We made a good effort to find him especially after lagging so bad two times already.
Anyway, hind sight is 20-20 but what would you have done in this situation? I thought we covered the bases but as it turned out, if we had continued another few miles of back track, may have found him. He says he stopped to help a young gal change a tire. Wouldn't you have told the gal you'd love to help but needed to check in with group and be right back with help? Very confusing situation and having a butt-hurt Future FIL sucks! So, were we azz-hats for leaving the Dude?
Seasoned HDF Member
Joined: Feb 2007
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From:
#1 I have ridden with folks that stay together (meaning they are in visual sight at ALL times) and ALL stops. This has become a VERY RARE experience in the past 20 years in both motorcycles and vehicles in my opinion..This is how i lead in my vehicles, but few if any folks follow this model today.. If it is a larger group and some lag behind then the group is divided accordingly...In a two vehicle situation the leader must slow the pace or risk someone getting lost or involved in an accident because that one individual was trying to catch-up.
#2 I have ridden with folks that rarely look in the mirror, coordinate lane changes, turns, time lights or keep track of those stuck in traffic. This has become the most common experience in my opinion. Most leaders when asked about someone that has fallen behind have responded with "they have a GPS on their phone" or "they know the destination" or "they can call us if they get lost" or "they need to keep-up" .
In short : A ride "together" for some is nothing more than a designated start and a final destination, while for others it is an interactive group activity with all participating being in constant visual contact and looking-out for each other. Kinda/sorta like an organized tour with a tour director setting-up, scheduling and herding folks so the group is safer and stays together.
Based on the limited information and lack of history: It would seem that your possible future father-in-law was thinking number #1 and decided his participation was unimportant based on the perceived ditching and so he decided to make a statement. As the "elder" or future father-in-law it would appear he felt rather disrespected by you and his daughter. His decision to not contact you or his daughter would seem to solidify that interpretation. The story about visiting someone is just a story.
Good luck mending that bridge.
#2 I have ridden with folks that rarely look in the mirror, coordinate lane changes, turns, time lights or keep track of those stuck in traffic. This has become the most common experience in my opinion. Most leaders when asked about someone that has fallen behind have responded with "they have a GPS on their phone" or "they know the destination" or "they can call us if they get lost" or "they need to keep-up" .
In short : A ride "together" for some is nothing more than a designated start and a final destination, while for others it is an interactive group activity with all participating being in constant visual contact and looking-out for each other. Kinda/sorta like an organized tour with a tour director setting-up, scheduling and herding folks so the group is safer and stays together.
Based on the limited information and lack of history: It would seem that your possible future father-in-law was thinking number #1 and decided his participation was unimportant based on the perceived ditching and so he decided to make a statement. As the "elder" or future father-in-law it would appear he felt rather disrespected by you and his daughter. His decision to not contact you or his daughter would seem to solidify that interpretation. The story about visiting someone is just a story.
Good luck mending that bridge.
Last edited by im; Sep 3, 2014 at 11:55 AM.
Elite HDF Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,351
Likes: 461
From: Illinois
I have lead on several small group rides in the past, usually 10 bikes or less. I always keep everyone in my mirrors and make sure we get through traffic lights together or I wait until we are together to continue. If someone intentionally dropped out without telling any of us, I would be upset about that.
I have also followed on two group rides where the leader clearly stated at the beginning of the ride that if you fall out, break down or just can't keep up, you are on your own. I thought he was kidding the first time, the second time I saw him leave a few of his buddies high and dry a couple hundred miles from home. I will not ride with that group again.
I have also been on rides where the group was stopping and drinking too much for my taste and told them I would see them again sometime and was leaving the group on my own.
I guess my point is, the op certainly didn't do anything wrong in this case, but it is important for me that everyone in the group understand what type of trip it is. I feel no need to tell others what to do nor to have others tell me what to do, but it is unacceptable to take off from a group without telling anyone.
Dennis
I have also followed on two group rides where the leader clearly stated at the beginning of the ride that if you fall out, break down or just can't keep up, you are on your own. I thought he was kidding the first time, the second time I saw him leave a few of his buddies high and dry a couple hundred miles from home. I will not ride with that group again.
I have also been on rides where the group was stopping and drinking too much for my taste and told them I would see them again sometime and was leaving the group on my own.
I guess my point is, the op certainly didn't do anything wrong in this case, but it is important for me that everyone in the group understand what type of trip it is. I feel no need to tell others what to do nor to have others tell me what to do, but it is unacceptable to take off from a group without telling anyone.
Dennis
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your fil is a tool
as a father in law to three, i think your ffil is a tool. you waited 2x for him not because he couldn't keep up but because he took off on his own and then copped an attitude. (you sure he doesn't have alzheimer's?) at that point, i would have said, "hey, mr. s...head, am i running too fast here? if i am, tell me and we'll slow down. if there's something you want to see or do along the way, let me know and we'll stop there. if you want to lead, be my guest. if not, we're going to go as far as the junction of current hwy and hwy x, where we'll be heading west. if we get separated again, we'll wait for you there." you did nothing wrong but a word to the wise, let your fiance describe to you what a tool her old man is. i wouldn't bring it up. that's based on 42 years of marital bliss.
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