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Maybe because the softails have solid mtd engines?.. Ride my wifes 12 fatboy lo...seems to vibrate a little more at highways speeds than my streetglide, but never is a problem
I've had my bike for about 2 months and 2500 miles. My last bike was an VTX1800. The harley has less high pitched vibrations than what the Honda did by far. But it was never really an issue. I think what some folks have a problem with is using a "death-grip" on the grips while riding. You have to train yourself to not do so to some extent. Some better grips may assist in vibrations being transferred into your hands as well. I like the Kuryakan ISO grips, with an ISO throttle boss. I install the throttle boss on both grips, so I can relax my grip occassionaly. It helps a lot on longer rides to be able to rest the fatty part of your hand on the throttle boss, with each hand.
I have a '95 fatboy and it's a beast as far as vibrations go. I talked to another '90 soft tail owner and he said his bike was good up to 65 mph but after that the vibrations were to much. I'm lucky to be ok over 55 mph. I have the iso grips and installed cruise control so I can start shaking my hand out when needed. I went through the motor mounts and the top one was loose, and the bottom one was missing a bolt so after fixing that it was better for sure, but better being the 55mph max speed. No way could I go on a highway trip on this bike. I would never go with a solid engine mount again. My next effort will be to replace the rear sprocket (it is a belt, so what ever that's called) to a smaller one. I think mine is the 70 tooth one and may be part of the problem, to many rpm's at highway speeds.