OK, not motorcycle related but too good not to post.....


Thisis an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel
> contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners.
> It won first
> prize.


> As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose
> over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted
> was for Santa to fill them.
>
>
>
> What they say about Santa checking the list twice must
> be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's
> kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung
> sadly empty.
>
>
>
> One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put
> on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love
> doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to
> go to an adult bookstore downtown.
>
>
>
> If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't
> go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an
> hour saying things like, 'What does this do?'
> 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy
> that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll
> section.
>
>
>
> I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could
> also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use
> the car pool lane during rush hour.
>
>
>
> Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls'
> come in many different models. The top of the line,
> according to the side of the box, could do things
> I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled
> for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the
> price scale. To call Louise a 'doll' took
> a huge leap of imagination.
>
>
>
> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump,
> Louise came to life.
>
>
>
> My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during
> the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I
> filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs
> and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained
> of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and
> giggled for a couple of hours.
>
>
>
> The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had
> been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY
> happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark,
> start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
>
>
>
>
> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so
> the rest of the family could admire her when they came over
> for the traditional Christmas dinner.
>
>
>
> My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the
> door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.
>
>
>
> My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
>
>
>
> 'Who would play with something like that?' Granny
> snapped.
>
>
>
> I kept my mouth shut.
>
>
>
> 'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
>
>
>
> 'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay
> said, to steer her into the dining room.
>
>
>
> But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have
> any teeth?'
>
>
>
> Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was
> Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the
> ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
>
>
>
> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight,
> sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal
> by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.
>
>
>
> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel,
> talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting.
> It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's
> last Christmas at home.
>
>
>
> The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about
> who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when
> suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom
> in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew
> around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the
> sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my
> nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees,
> and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
>
>
>
>
> My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
>
>
>
> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and
> sat in the car.
>
>
>
> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
>
> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough
> examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We
> discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the
> back of her right thigh.
>
>
>
> Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we
> restored her to perfect health..
>
>
>
> I can't wait until next Christmas.
>

 

I'm a slow reader so im lucky to finish before new years..LOL..Thats great, Thanks for sharing....Merry Xmas to you and your's..... Ho Ho Harley!!!!!.....

 

That is freekin awsome..........Thanks for sharing.

 

Now that's a Christmas Story to remember!!!!!

 

Ahh, family lore for generations to come!