Let's use this thread to post about whatever. Jokes, chit chat, rants, memes. I'd suggest we keep politics out ......

 

Thumbs up for the new thread! Guess I'll be the first to jump in the water...
Anyone know the best way to leave Florida with a Million dollars? Come down with Two Million!

 

Good one and thanks for starting.

Where do you go in Florida when you want a second opinion from a doctor?

The airport.

 

Speaking of doctors, a buddy of mine was having a terrible time with monkey butt. He tried everything. Preparation H, a new gel saddle, I recommended a fleece seat cover and even that didn't work. When he couldn't stand it any longer, he went to see a doctor.

The doc had him drop his jeans and bend over and diagnosed the problem right away. "There's a string hanging out of your rectum."

"Pull it out," he hollered. So the doc gave it a yank and out popped a bouquet of flowers.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"How should I know' the doc replied. There's no card."

 

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go back to town for the doctor" the other one says. He runs ten miles to the small town and finds the only doctor in the area, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what you have to do. Use a small knife and cut a little X where the bite is, then suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in utter agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asked. "He says your going to die."

 

LMBO...Lauren, you're the best!

 

Three Bikers, a Honda Rider, a BMW Rider and a Harley Rider were sitting in a sauna.

Suddenly, there was a continuing beeping sound. The Honda Rider pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager", he said, “I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later a phone rang. The BMW Rider lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand.”

The Harley Rider felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ***.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Harley Rider finally grinned and declared… “Well, will you look at that, I’m getting a fax!”


Revised to my way of telling the joke, I originally copy/pasted.

 

i walked into a bar and there was a theif, a cheater, and a murderer.....i turned to my buddy and said i guess the patriots are in town....

 

Lucky me on Wednesday. I rode my bike to HD Palm Beach for a service and I keep my garage clicker in a little magnetic pouch which stays on the metal of my windshield. I guess when I took it off the Springer and put it on the Heritage I didn't place it on the metal part properly.

Anyway, I'm riding on 95 and I look down and notice it's gone. I was kinda pissed but I can live without it, it just means I'd have to get off my bike to use the code. When I got to Harley would you believe the little pouch had wedged itself between the rear brake pedal and the exhaust pipe. And it hadn't even melted on the pipe. Lesson learned, make sure it's on securely next time. This pouch has sat on my bikes for 35,000 miles or so.

 

Chit happens at the least expected moment, it's when you get a break you realize there is a better way. My money says you come up with something more secure. I'd be looking for a system that recognize the security code when I got within 10' of it and didn't have to push anything. I have a bud that pulls up to his gate and the dang thing sees a small sticker on his scoot and it opens right up.